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Wholeheartedly.

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Loving yourself unconditionally. 
I grew up being self-conscious and constantly criticising myself. I was never the one they call beautiful.
Things became worst when I've battled with acne on my face and my back. My skin was no longer flawless since then. I got pointed out a lot by people whenever I wear sleeveless clothing pieces. Not to mention I've gained heaps of weight and became chubbier. I'll leave the rest for your imagination. 
I've got crushes back then who didn't like me because of how I look. And I've accepted the fact that I will look like this for the rest of my life (That's how a negative person I am). 
Loving yourself is never an easy task.  Some days you will feel as if the world is your runway, and you just walk confidently (which I rarely experience). Other days is just you hating on yourself and being mean to yourself.
Despite writing entries about loving yourself and accepting the way you are, I find some days that are hard to grip myse…

Today's the day.

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Carpe Diem.
JUL 04, 2019 | Thursday @ Chalk Cliff, Lewes.

My housemates and I were taking a casual walk in a small woods adjacent to our accommodation, watching the chalk cliff in the closest distance possible.
So close, yet so far. And we thought that that was the closest we can get to see the chalk cliff. Then we notice a path that might possibly lead us to the top, but at the end it lead us to a scenery of beautiful houses by the river stream which two of us had been to. 

We described this journey as a quest in an open world game where one of my housemates decided to ask a friendly resident (interacting with a robot in the game), who later gave us a good direction to reach the top of the cliff.
We spontaneously decided to do it today, even without a proper work out attire- Me and my other female housemate wearing sandals. lol. I mean... Why not?
We walked up this steep hill (chalk hill, they called it). Good cardio got me out of breath (ya girl need some cardio in her life! 😂)
And …

A Year Ago.

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I am still reminiscing the old days.
What happened a year ago if you may ask.
A year ago, I've graduated from my Bachelors. Happy and relieved as I may seem, deep down I am slightly worried. Worried about what the future holds and worried about the application to a new programme (I was still indecisive at that point). However, I am excited to go home, to see my family, meet my best friends, pet my dogs (Though they didn't recognise me at first due to "foreign scent" lol 😂) and especially, to eat good food (No offense but yeah). 
My Bachelors has shaped me as a person. This makes me think that there is so much more to come. Nothing stays constant. We have to keep moving forward.

And the following are just photos that I've run through.
Thanks to these two for unlimited support ❤️.
My best travel buddies! 
The adorable couple on the left shines through my soul 💑
I don't always write about my personal feelings here, but my final year has changed the way I perce…

You are what you eat.

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It's beyond a summer body.
Disclaimer: I am not any form of health professional/guru(s) or in relevant fields. This entry is subject to my own opinion in eating and does not serve as a guideline/standard of healthy eating.
I got asked by some people around me: How did I manage to eat sensibly healthy for a long period?
Answer is: I don't. In fact, I've lost control of myself multiple times.
The start of July has granted me an opportunity to learn more about my body (a.k.a. the one of the things I truly care about after all the terrible phase of damaging it). I've participated a body composition test run by student researchers in my university. I will say that it is semi-thorough, though I would love to know more about how my own body operates not limiting in the ambit of burning calories. Other interesting parts such as the absorption of nutritions from the food I consume, my body's reaction towards various food groups, my muscle quality etc. Nevertheless, it was a …

Brighton.

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A sea city with a city sea.
A year ago, I was thinking whether to stay or leave the UK. My heart was set to leave. Thinking that I'll leave after graduation, I've decided to travel from the north to a southern city called Brighton alone.
I've always wanted to visit Brighton after knowing that there's a city sea. Coming alone is always a good option to clear off my unsettled thoughts. I was desperate for peace but my thoughts resided on a bad position. So I've left Hull for a moment without actually notifying anyone though some of my friends did ask about it.

I still remember a few things when I first visited here:
(1) Scorching hot sun that roasted me alive like a human skewer ☀️🔥☠️. (2) Tourists claiming spots by the sea and flooding the bars/restaurants close to the sea 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 🥂. (3) Oreo milkshake that I really like 🥤.
(4) Purchasing a book that I really like at a vintage shop in North Laine. (A shopping street in Brighton) 🛍️📙.
(5) Found a good pancak…

What If(s).

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What if I never make it in life? What if I've never tried my best in doing anything? What if...?
These questions are always at the back of my mind.
Some achievements of mine are taken lightly by myself even though I've physically made it. For example, people see graduating with a degree is something a normal person could've done especially seeing people around you obtaining the same title as undergraduates despite of different disciplines. Neglecting the fact that it takes time, patience and effort in order to get that one piece of certificate and an opportunity to wear a graduation gown. I believe most things are so. Time, patience and effort.
And I am not bragging about the previous achievements, rather, I am convincing myself that I've actually did it in the past. This pushes me to be bolder to try something more challenging in the future.
Being a realistic being, I often set myself back from trying new things because I was too scared to do so. Whenever I've made …

Into Fire.

Some people are meant to jump into fire. And some just, watch them die.
Some people are meant to love without boundaries, though they know the ache of his/her absence will take an eternity.
Others might call it attachment, obsession or lust which will go away.
I call it reassurance, security and comfort.
Maybe there is ache. Aching for your presence, care, love and attention.
For I never love anyone like the way I love you.
In the end I cut ties, as it consumes me and  ...
cuts me deep.
And I am in fire, 
but it's okay as I did it for you.
With hopes and loves,Victoria.