Realize : heart to heart convo.

Hello everyone! :-). Hello hello, haha (scared not friendly enough)
I know that I am not a really active blogger these days... Or maybe months :X. Its my fault, so sorry. If you're expecting any fun events that I am going to post today, well... you're probably wrong :(.

I've notice that for years... I keep posting about events that I encounter or even bunch of mates being my mates (If you know what I mean). I totally put away my own feelings or try not to show too much right here.

I know this is wrong, but ain't no nothing wrong about publishing anything I want in this space of mine right? If this offend you, sorry bud.

You notice the title, heart to heart convo. So this will be my true feelings... read it or not, its okay. I mean.. I didn't put a gun on your head and force you to read right? haha, so yeah.

I was scared. Yes, you heard me. I was scared. I was scared of putting out my feelings nakedly and people would simply crash it, vigorously, vehemently. Cause my feelings are fragile. We all are, not just me. I'm afraid to show, expose myself. Fear surrounded me.

So, I envy people who show their feelings to the crowd, show what they want what they need, they too speak their own mind. I truly admire this kind of people. But I less likely to publish my own feelings or emotions even in my own territory, how suck I am right? :X.

Cause some people will be like, who wants to know about your feelings? We just want to know what's new what's modern and stuff. That is why the exposing myself to the public part keeps shrinking into small.. small and more smaller till it's perfectly GONE.

This leads to another thing of me. I write quotes cause I believe someday I could truly see my own colours. I really care how people would feel while reading my blog. Is it fun? or is it boring? or maybe a little bit of interesting. I don't know, you tell me.

I am born as a perfectionist. I wanted everything to be perfect. I know I am not perfect, but I always try hard to keep things perfect, the way I want it to be. But then I realize, I try so hard to make things so perfect (in my own way), that I forgot to be myself. We all know the ways to be ourself, easy to say, hard to be done. We all live in a world that is hard to be ourselves. Its hard... Really hard. Some of you may have done it, congratulations. But not for me.

*exhales* I'm feeling more better now. Haha.
Thank you for wasting/spending your precious time reading my own... speech?
I should write a book, if I am qualify or some company ask me?

That is why I love her :'-).
Thank you for reading, see you next time ;-D.
Victoriayuen   sign out.


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