Its time to be true to myself.

A minute ago, I just did something I thought that I wouldn't do. Not something extreme, but merely something that got my heart hanging and locked up for almost two months-- I left and deleted a Whatsapp group with the people I once have a feeling that I belong. I felt a moment of relieved, and my heart seems to be lighten a little.

Leaving a Whatsapp is nothing to some of you. However, leaving a Whatsapp group which may destroy your friendship with the people you called 'best friends' was a major issue for me. The bond was broken in the first place, just that I am stupid enough to wish that it can be fixed, making every effort to hope that things will be revert back as normal.

I never thought I would do that because deep down I know that I am not someone who will disregard other people's feelings or someone who will let go things so easily. But... before I did it, I knew that I have tried. Because I am proud to say that I am the only one in the group that initiates to talk things out and I have also tried so so so so hard to fix things. But still, I end up with a bucket of tears and being treated as non-existence. Hence, I choose to let go.

This issue got me feeling down for almost two months. And I got myself bogged down to negativity because of this. I barely have friends and couldn't tell new classmates that I have just met because I still care about their feelings. Imagine yourself in darkness for almost two months, you'll either gone crazy or mad. Until last week, I got to at least talk to some of my close friends. They told me their thoughts. It did help me a little because I can finally unload something from my heart. Thank you for your patience and care you know who you are. However, that doesn't mean it will stop myself from dumping rubbish thoughts and spice of negativity into my heart again when depression hits me.

Stop finding pathetic reasons to say that you care, but in fact you didn't; Stop saying you're too negative instead of sitting down and listen; Stop saying that my actions stop you from approaching, because you know that I am not that kind of person; And stop shifting the blame to me without even trying to solve the problem, because at least I know I did my best.

And... I know that... This is the last year of my teenage years. I wanted to be true to myself. I wanted to be true for my feelings, I wanted to set my heart free, I wanted to let go myself from people who doesn't give a single damn on my feelings eventhough you cared for them so much.

Because it doesn't hurt you, like it hurts me.


Victoriayuen

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