September body, November movements.

November is ticking, in a fast pace. I feel like I'm still in the September, but in fact, I'm hella busy rushing my assignments (gawd damn.. :/) I have many thoughts, unwritten, many words to say, unsaid.

I always thought that people are different, but I also know people somehow have common thoughts sometimes. Just that, I haven't seen it until now... A course mate of mine spoke to me, about people, with her, I enjoy listening rather than do the talking. She's great in talking, explaining things and getting her sh*t together. One thing, I really wish that I can get my sh*t together. So, I went surfing the net (disregarding my assignments, having a great old time with myself :P), and read guides. Found one which I think its really great, click here to read.

Growing up, isn't easy. You gotta get your sh*t together in order to get there, to achieve your goals. But... growing apart is easy peasy, you just have to shut down yourself. Recently, a friend of mine approached me, aware about the issues I had gone through. Not knowing every info, she dig details, by reading my blog. She still, remain info-less. I dislike to put people's sh*t on the internet, I just write the thoughts of mine with merely the basic info about it. What she did, curious and caring. She told me, I got touched and actually shed a tear.

However, I changed. To someone that is not me. Things that suppose to kill me inside, I don't feel anything. Instead, I smile and walk away. What I can say is... only those who are deeply hurt will change. It hurts me a lot that I change the way I see things and it kills me hard that I change the way I handle things.

I was stupid to think that nobody loves me, but here I am, surrounded by them, just that I keep digging, so deep that I cried and unable to cry for help, holding on people who don't even see you when you drown. So I became silent, trying not to pick up any emotions on the way. The one who talked to me, are the ones who care. The ones who don't bother to find out, sorrynotsorry, I choose to walk away.

The people I love are so distant from me, far away. Sometimes people blame me for not talking to them, for being silent, quiet... The thing I realize is... Not everyone likes to listen to your story. They have their lives, and I try not to become a burden. Nevertheless... forgive me... I am slightly selfish this time. Cause I really need someone to talk to.

Walking away, sometimes its necessary to do something for yourself. Life is short and one day you will look back, guaranteed. So, live it the fullest, seize the moment. No matter what or why, follow your heart, but let your brain guide you.


Till then,
Victoriayuen 

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