Thoughts about my future.
April has been a physical and mental draining month for me. Exams are approaching, every day living in anxiety cause this time is very important for me. The worst part is I have lost motivation in my studies which I should be exercising from a few months back. I even lost the power to make any excuses, simply because I have no motivation [full stop]
I sat down, thinking about what is the purpose of myself being here, what is the purpose of myself studying so hard. I could not find an answer. At least a little sign of it. I am not searching for a perfect answer written on scripts, nor answers that others think that its best. I am finding answers that satisfy the two issues in my brain: (1) What is the purpose of doing this? (2) How can doing this makes me happy? I wonder.
To be honest, I really love writing and I really hope that I can include this in my future work space. Its not that easy, setting paths for yourself, scrapping your previous plans and going for a new one. Its never easy, knowing what you will do in the future. So, those who have dreams in mind, I feel envious at this moment, I really do.
I really really really wanted to dive in the blogging atmosphere, but somehow I wonder... How should I do that? I don't have a clue. Then I started to become afraid of not getting into the ambit. A fire of passion without feeding will slowly fade out. I hope that it does not happen to me....
Sorry for expressing my worries in the early May. My apologies.