Insomnia Buddies.

Everyone has that region of memories that they would not want to set foot on. Regardless the moment when you accidentally spitted on your crush's face during a major event, farted in class at the age of 8 acting its not you but the fart noise is too loud to be concealed or simply just regret that you did not treat somebody right after you lose him.

However, funny thing is... those memories or shall I say embarrassing and regretful moments will stand by you during your insomnia days. They will ring you up, rummage through your "hidden box of moments" during the sleepless nights, making you twist and turn, hide under your sheets and scream inside your head "Wtf am I doing?" "Sh*t, this will be recorded." "Ommgggg, why the hell I did this?"

Those. Are not good to be reminded. But they remain with us during the darkest hours, longest nights. On the bright side, they keep us company... Better than other things. *awkwardlaughs*...

Sometimes, I adore these flashbacks, even though most of the time I can't help but to tell myself that I am a dumbass thousand times. Other than that, it keeps my mind occupied for a little before I can finally doze off.

It hurts me a little when past and memories combined together. At one night, I thought of a special someone in my past. We have had shared a bunch of food memories but when things started to fall apart, mostly due to the mistakes I have done, and things doesn't seem right, we broke down and the sounds of "what ifs" and "its your fault!" kicks in. I feel weak. Weak to think that I could not get back this relationship. Weak to think that even I apologise, the scars remained. Weak to think that I even consider to re-enter his life. And weak to think that am I eligible enough to talk to him again. Clouds of questions and thoughts that can't seem to be answered or solved.

At the end, before I am able to finally shut down my eyes, I decided to move on, let go. Regretting or feeling unease due to the past and unpleasant memories is totally useless. Might as well move on. Back again with the quote which I quite fancy, applies to those who lose someone or well, was broken by someone, "Everyone comes into your life with a reason, some stay, some give you a lesson." Also. "There are reasons behind everything you do..." (unless you encounter awkward situations with your crush in the lift with full of people.. Well damn. I did those above.) Well, meditation helps I guess.

And, I hope you live a good life, my dear Turtle.



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