Showing posts from June, 2019

What If(s).

What if I never make it in life? What if I've never tried my best in doing anything? What if...?
These questions are always at the back of my mind.
Some achievements of mine are taken lightly by myself even though I've physically made it. For example, people see graduating with a degree is something a normal person could've done especially seeing people around you obtaining the same title as undergraduates despite of different disciplines. Neglecting the fact that it takes time, patience and effort in order to get that one piece of certificate and an opportunity to wear a graduation gown. I believe most things are so. Time, patience and effort.
And I am not bragging about the previous achievements, rather, I am convincing myself that I've actually did it in the past. This pushes me to be bolder to try something more challenging in the future.
Being a realistic being, I often set myself back from trying new things because I was too scared to do so. Whenever I've made …

Into Fire.

Some people are meant to jump into fire. And some just, watch them die.
Some people are meant to love without boundaries, though they know the ache of his/her absence will take an eternity.
Others might call it attachment, obsession or lust which will go away.
I call it reassurance, security and comfort.
Maybe there is ache. Aching for your presence, care, love and attention.
For I never love anyone like the way I love you.
In the end I cut ties, as it consumes me and  ...
cuts me deep.
And I am in fire, 
but it's okay as I did it for you.
With hopes and loves,Victoria.


we're just human.
One of the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself. Forgiving others takes courage. Forgiving yourself takes courage and time. 
Forgiveness consists of the alleviation of the past events/experiences trapped in your heart.
Sometimes I look back thinking how the past shapes me as a person. However, I find myself looking back too often which in result disturbing my current state. Appreciate as I may seem, the past disappointment rings inside my head, reminding me to not fully invest myself into a new relationship even if my other side wants me to. Its like hitting snooze on the alarm, hoping that it will go off yet it will keep coming back to bother you in another period of time. 
I've accepted the fact that I will never fully forgive myself.
In some days, I will see myself in a relatively good position where I practice forgiveness devotedly. I've even call those the bright days. Other days I will start to open the chest of faults where I will tell myself…